Note: These are unofficial notes taken by an attendee at the teaching by Larry Sides. If you want a transcript of this teaching you are encouraged to order either an audio or video tape of the session.

Questions and Answers:

Who does the Bible say sinned
Adam or Eve?
[Answer]

What is this
about men and aloneness?
[Answer]

Is it true sex is not one of a man's greatest needs?
[Answer]

The Bible on Marriage

I became a Christian at the age of nine. Back then there were three things that I knew about being a Christian.

1. There was a list of Do's that were not very interesting to me,
2. There was a list of Don'ts that were very interesting to me, and
3. Being a Christian was an insurance policy in case I couldn't follow through with #1 and #2!

It wasn't until I was 21 years old that I saw people actually getting excited about being Christians. My mother loved the Sound of Music and listened to it all the time. One of the songs I heard all the time was "Do Re Mi." That song begins by saying "Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.." So lets do just that.

I find it interesting that, other than this wedding, nothing else is mentioned about Cana --nothing about the man and woman who got married either -- so the focus must be on the miracle that happened at that marriage of two "not-named" people.

God talks about marriage as His norm throughout the scripture. In the first chapter of the first book of the Bible it says...

And God said "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea ... ...So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them." [Gen 1: 26-27]

This is was the first marriage on record and it was before sin entered the equation. In my Bible page three is the first mention of sin. The first two pages of my Bible talk about things before there was sin. So their marriage was different from the other marriages mentioned in the Bible.

When the serpent tempted Adam and Eve he was not on his belly. He might have been upright and he was certainly beautiful and not repulsive. He was not condemned to live on his belly until after God's judgment was pronounced. He was probably very charismatic. The enemy works on us the same way today. We are not tempted by filth but by the beautiful wrappings the evil one uses.

Did you know there is only one animal on earth that must eat dirt in order to survive? That animal is the snake. If it doesn't eat dirt every day it will not be able to digest its food and it will die. Verse 14 of Genesis 3 tells us:

So the Lord God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life."

We need to remember there are always consequences to sin regardless of whether the sin was committed before or after you became a Christian.

Genesis 3:16 goes on to say to the woman:

I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.

Note what it says about pain. The pain will increase or multiply. This means that pain existed before the fall. It increased as a result of the fall. So pain is not necessarily bad. It doesn't mean somebody goofed up. Pain is a signal that something needs attention. Pain is not a flaw but a warning mechanism.

Note also that is says the woman will "desire" her husband. In the Greek this word is only used three times in scripture: Here, in the Song of Solomon, and in Genesis 4:7 when God is speaking to Abel about the offering he has made. That verse reads

If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you mush master it.

In the Genesis 3:16 context it has to do with the woman trying to control the man. Have you ever heard the expression "Who wears the pants in that family?" This verse is where it comes from.

It is also this verse that says the man will "rule" over the woman. In the Greek the word for rule connotes a harshness, a control, a dictatorial type of ruler. Now in Ephesians 5:25 husbands are directed to "...love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." So what God is doing here is telling us what will be our natural inclination and how to overcome it.

Let's get back to Adam and Eve and the serpent. In Genesis 3:1 the serpent asks Eve "Did God really say, You must not eat from any tree in the Garden?" and in verses 2 & 3 Eve answers

We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden but God did say "You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die."

First of all it is duplicative to say that you cannot eat from that tree and also say you cannot touch the fruit -- one needs to touch it in order to eat it, right? However, look back at when the command was given. It is in Genesis 2:16 which says

You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.

Then in verse 18 it says

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

What does this mean? First of all, Eve wasn't created when the command was given and so she had to have heard it from Adam. Now he may have added not to touch the tree, but regardless, what Eve got was not what God had commanded. As Christians we need to be very, very clear what God is saying to us and get it right. If we don't we are asking for trouble.

So who does the Bible say sinned at the fall, Adam or Eve? Adam was the one who sinned because he was the one God had commanded. Now I don't think Adam was out plowing the back forty when all this happened and he should have at least stepped up and said something to Eve like "Ah Honey, this doesn't seem right lets go do lunch at the banana tree!"

I Peter 3: 1-7 tells the wives to be submissive to their husbands and tells husbands to be considerate of their wives. When Paul uses the word submit it is NOT talking about how an enlisted man would respond to a two-star general. Instead it is talking about how a two star general would respond to a three star general, that is as a peer. Peers share what they have heard and work together to make decisions. If there is a disagreement, then the three star general makes the decision but usually it is a cooperative effort.

Look at Ephesians chapters 5 and 6. We are told to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Then it goes on to tell husbands, wives, children, parents, employers and employees how to do so.

I have brought a chart to help us understand a little better how men and women are made, how they relate to each other, and the commands God has given on how men and women should relate.

Ladies, when you want to communicate with us guys you need to do it through our eyes. We are programmed to "hear" that way. And guys, when you want to communicate with your wife do it through words! Each of us needs to learn to communicate in a way that the other person will "hear" it. Women are usually talkers while men are usually doers.

Ladies, men are self-centered. Don't take it personally. They come by it honestly through Adam. Men, the Lord has commanded that we love our wives and that we understand them, granting them honor. By doing this you will overcome your self-centeredness.

The bottom line? Don't take each others flaws personally. They come from Adam and Eve. However, when you see a flaw in your own life go after it immediately and don't let it see another dawn before you have dealt with it.

Your handout talks about one of the principles in Genesis 2:18-25 being "aloneness" can you explain this a little more?

Sure! Let's say you took a nickel and cut it down the middle so that you had Jefferson's head on one piece and Monticello on the other. Would it still be a nickel? Of course not. Now, without looking at the scripture let me read part of Genesis chapter two to you starting at verse 18.

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." So the Lord God caused the man to fall in to a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

Now, if you were not following along in your Bible you probably would not realize that I left out verses 19 and 20. These two verses talk about God bringing the other animals to Adam to be named. Think about this for a moment. Here is Adam sitting in the garden of Eden. It is a perfect place. He doesn't think he needs anything... he has it all! Then as the Lord brings the other animals to him, just perhaps he notices that they are coming in twos and they are not exactly the same (one male, one female). They look similar but they are not the same. Then maybe it dawns on him that he is the only one in the garden that is not a "couple!" He is odd man out. I think a case can be made that until Adam recognized the need, it was not time for Eve to be created. And when she was created, she was the opposite of him and, just like magnets, they were attracted to each other.

Your chart says sex is not important to men except as it demonstrates a woman's admiration and respect for him. I thought that sex is one of the things all men need!

Let me explain it this way. Sex was not Adam's idea, nor was it Eve's. It was God's idea. He created it. He wants us to have it in high frequency and high quality. Now if it were left up to the men there would only be high frequency. It is were left up to the women it would be only of high quality and perhaps once or twice a year. But God wants both. So in order for it to happen in God's way the husband needs to meet his wife's need for acceptance and attention, and wives need to meet their husband's need for admiration and respect. That is why I have said that sex is not one of a man's greatest needs except as it reflects the wife's admiration and respect for him.